Do you make decisions for yourself, or do you allow other people to make up your mind for you?
Some people find it easier and more comfortable if they have other people make decisions for them. It may not be their fault. They probably grew up in an environment with domineering parents. These people may of made decisions as children, only to find they may of failed and then been ridiculed and put down as a result of the failure. From this it is easier to: let other people tell you what to do, and who to be; to let people make decisions and do things for you, after all you don’t want to look stupid, you don’t want to be ridiculed. You want to be liked and accepted, even if this means going with the flow.
The sad thing about this is that you are not being who you are meant to be! You are being who others want you to be. You are allowing others to decide where your life is meant to be heading. You are being controlled, whether you know it or not, by others. You may not agree with the decision someone has made, but you are too scared to voice your opinion. You do not want to rock the boat. The result? Someone got what they wanted. Guess what? It wasn’t you!
It can be difficult for to change. After all you have allowed people to think and decide for you all your life. I know of one individual who has gone from one relationship to another, just so that she does not have to make her own decisions. When she had the chance to become independent, she got worried and had complete lack of faith in her own ability to make decisions for herself. After all, she always had men make decisions for her, pay bills for her. The good news is that, in the time she was independent, she found out that she could actually take care of herself. For the first time in her life, she could sit down and think for herself too. She had the chance to reflect where she was in life, what she wanted out of life, and what she needed to do to get it.
That is what you need to do too. It is time to take charge of your life! Take control!! If you have never done it before, it can be hard, intimidating and scary. So, do it in tiny steps. Make a small decision, then another one, when you are used doing that. Reflect back on how far you have come! Look at the confidence you have gained! Time to start making bigger decisions. Sit down and write out goals you want to achieve in life. Then decide to go for it! Guess what? You have just taken control of your life!! Congratulations!!
What if you make the wrong decision and fail? I used to beat myself up for making mistakes. There would be a voice that would whisper “You are just so useless. Why even bother trying anymore, you are just going to fail again. Give up!” But then one day I argued with that voice. It is that voice that kept me where I was at. It was a voice I had heard all my life, but one day I told it to “Shut up!” I can achieve what I set out to do. If I fail, well, at least I tried. And I will try again and again until I get there.
Accept that failure is a part of life. It is a learning process. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Find people who believe in you and will encourage you. Do not be surprised if some of your friends get a shock when you say “No. I want to do it this way.” , “No. I have decided that I am going to achieve this…” You will find that people will respect you. Which will actually increase your self-esteem and add to your new-found confidence. Other people may be intimidated by you, but that is okay, That is their issue to deal with, not yours.
It’s time to stop pleasing others and begin to get that life you have always dreamed of. Go for it!!