First I want to apologise, it’s been a long time since my last post.
Over the past several months I have relocated to a new country and the transition has been hard at times. There have been high points but these have been far exceeded by low points when I have hit the bottom of despair and felt like I could not carry on. Through these times there has been someone who has been my angel who has told me not to give up and remain positive. My wife.
Reflecting back on the low points I find that hope had abandoned me and that there was little point pushing forward. However, I could still see glints of hope breaking through the black, heavy clouds of despair. My angel was also by my side encouraging me to keep going.
When I had things to hope for, I was fine. But then those things would be taken away and I would find myself back in the downward spiral. I was tired of pushing forward when there was nothing to hope for. Looking to the horizon for something, anything that could give me hope, I would, at times find something and then I realised things aren’t as bad as they seem.
From the past half year I have learned that one needs hope. Without hope, there is nothing to strive for, nothing to look forward to. When my wife was telling me to remain positive, I replied that at times it’s hard to do so when things weren’t happening the way I imagined they would. Yet she was the rock that kept me anchored. My focus was on the things that weren’t happening rather than on the things that were happening. When someone is in the grips of despair and hopelessness, their focus emphasises the negative and ignores the positive. The opposite happens when you are feeling great and have hope.
I have also realised that things don’t happen the way you expect them to. Life loves to through “curve balls” at you. It’s how you deal with those balls that determines if you’re going to win or lose the game. At times I found I punted them and other times I hit them out of the park. You also need to hit the balls out of the park and win the game.
When it seems that hope has abandoned you and there is little reason to move forward, seek out something to hope for and make your way towards it.
Over the past several posts I have offered you all different ways of combating stress with different relaxation techniques. As the final post in this series (I hope you all have found something that works for you!) you may wonder which technique is the best. To be honest, they all have their merits and I recommend that you use all of them.
To me I consider the techniques to be individual parcels of a bigger “Stress Buster” package. Individually the different techniques provide beneficial affect in helping you alleviate and reduce stress, but as you use the techniques together the affect is tremendous! Just think of a Weapon of Mass Destruction blowing away stress!
How does the WMD work? It works by you employing all the techniques daily as you combat the stress you face. During the day do a body scan when you feel yourself getting tense. Stop and do deep breathing and visualise the stress melting away. When you have a break throughout the day, you can do some subtle progressive relaxation and deep breathing. At the end of the day you can take 20-30 minutes out of your schedule and do some meditation and/or visualisation exercises.
When you use the techniques in combination you will maximise the benefit that they have. Just think of it as a “Stress Buster Synergy” – the effect of the whole is greater than the individual parts. Remember that it is important for you to do this daily. In a month, stop and take stock of the stress level(s) in your life and you will be surprised at how much more relaxed, calm and at peace you are.
Hi folks! Welcome top Day 19!!
Today was pretty uneventful. That did cause me some concern when it came to figuring out what to write for today’s entry. There were no challenges that I had to face. No obstacles to overcome. I thought “What can I share with you guys? Is there anything I can glean from a day of relaxation that I can share?”
That is when it hit me like a bolt of lightning! I love it when that happens! I thought “I’ll talk about relaxing!”
It is so important to take time out for yourself. You all may know the benefits of just unwinding, having a good ol’ lie down. It not only benefits you physically, but also mentally. Each day I do at least 30 minutes of Deep Relaxation exercise.
If you make this a daily activity, then you will find yourself becoming less stressed, more tolerant, more positive and happier!! Oh, plus it also has the added benefit of physical wellness and lengthening your life expectancy!
What has this got to do with not complaining? Re-read the above papagraph! You will become more tolerant and more positive That means you will not complain like you have done in the past. Things that have irritated you, you will find will not annoy you like they did! It’s a wonderful experience!
On days when I get really stressed I have an extra dose of deep relaxation. Instead of 30 minutes, I might do an hour. Sometimes I will put on some meditative/relaxation music, break out the incense, relax in a hot bath and just allow the stress and negativity to melt away!
It’s is up to you how you deal with the negativity, but one thing I recommend is do Deep Relaxation exercises (you can find plenty on the internet and YouTube) for at least 30 minutes daily. You will amaze yourself on the effect it has on you and for you!
Day 20 tomorrow! (Only 2 more days to go!)
So it’s Day 13!! I honestly did not think I would last this long without having to start and the challenge all over again! After all I did screw it up on my third day. 😦
But, it is only just over a week to go and then I have achieved my goal! For those that have just tuned in, my goal is to minimise/eliminate my complaining. If I complain, then I have to start the 21 days all over again. The goal is to go 21 days without complaining!
How did I fare today? It is getting easier! The need to complain just lurks in the background of my mind like a dirty shadow! The hard part is when people are complaining around you and then ask for your input. That happened a couple of times today! I was minding my own business, then along came people who were having a bad day, blaming other people for things and whinging, and then they would spew it all out on me!
I thought “Uh-oh! How am I gonna get out of this situation. This person has just dropped a complaint bomb and wants me to join in!” What does one do when they are in such a situation? I freaked a wee bit (because I felt a subtle urge to join in), then considered how I could reply without complaining! I just gave an honest answer that dealt factually with the comments made. That took effort! I had to think really carefully on how I would reply!!
That is one of the major benefits of this whole challenge. It has caused me to re-evaluate how I communicate. Instead of complaining and being all negative, I now think and question whether I should say anything at all! Sometimes it’s easier just to say nothing, smile and walk away. Heck, someone might complain about you walking away, but hey, that’s their problem.
So next time you are invited to a “pity party”, decline the invitation and have your own “positivity party”! (it might be a bit lonely, but, trust me, you are having more fun than the other guys!)
Day 14 tomorrow! That means only two things:
- I am two thirds of the way through my challenge.
- Only another 7 days to go!! (Will that mean I’m cured? Hope so!!)
Catch you all tomorrow!
Hey everybody! Welcome to Day 12!
It is getting easier not to complain!! I found today that I still have to be on the alert, in case something slips out. But generally, my need for whinging and whining is diminishing!
Did I feel the need at all today just to “let one out’? Definitely! Especially this morning when I had to deal with a guy who was a less than happy customer. He was getting pretty boisterous and I just told him that I was sorting out the situation for him. He wanted to argue with me, but I just calmly stuck to the facts and asserted myself.
A couple of weeks ago I would of complained all day about the guy and his attitude. But today I just dealt with it and moved on! That’s the thing about complaining, it causes you to kind of re-live the moment and all those negative, angry, hostile feelings flood back! The outlet is to have a good moan and whinge to let out all that negative emotion that has built up!
But is that healthy? I don’t think so. I am not saying that talking about how one feels shouldn’t be encouraged. What I am saying is that whinging and moaning is not a productive way to deal with the negative emotion one is experiencing. All it does is bring others down too.
So next time you feel like you want to pour out all the negative feelings that have built up within you, instead of complaining about things, why don’t you try just simply talking about it. Is there a difference between complaining and disclosing how you feel? There is! It’s a fine distinction. One is negative and doesn’t help anyone, the other allows you to discuss how you are feeling in a calm manner without having to pull anyone down.
Day 13 tomorrow folks!
Hello Day 11!!
I forgot to put on my bracelet this morning, but that is okay. I remembered that it was on my right wrist (where it has been for the past 8 days!). It is going to stay there until day 21!!! Why? Because that means I have not complained at all.
Today was pretty easy surprisingly. Sure there were times when I felt like letting loose and saying something, but I have come so far! Why screw it up now in a moment of no self-control?
It is interesting that the more you try and eliminate something out of your life, the more aware you become of that thing occuring around you. Over the past couple of days I have become acutely aware of people complaining around me. It sticks out like a sore thumb!
I even mentioned to those around me how I am trying to create a culture of people not complaining. I won’t tell you what the reply was!! I just shrugged my shoulders and thought how sad it is when people are happy living in negativity. What a paradox huh? People being happy being negative!! Doesn’t really make sense does it?
One thing I did notice today about myself is that it is becoming habitual for me not to complain!! Yay! Progress!!! Another 10 days and I should have this thing licked!!
Wish me well for Day 12!!
Welcome back folks! So, Day 10, huh? I can not believe I have made it this far! (True I have slipped up on the way. The less said about Day 3 the better methinks! 😛 )
Did I manage to get through the day without whinging? It was hard. This morning I had to deal with a lady who had the most arrogant attitude I have come across in a long time. (BTW, that’s not a complaint, that is a statement of fact!). She tried to make me feel like an idiot. I fought off the feelings of inferiority that tried to come over me, Then with a smile I sent her on her way and wished her well. (It wasn’t with sarcasm either!).
After that I so wanted to go and whinge and moan about how rude she was. But I fought back! I had to redirect my attention and psychic energies elsewhere. That was a hard thing to do, but I managed.
There were a couple of other times when people just annoyed me (or should I say that I felt annoyed by them?). Inside me I just wanted to let out all that I felt about them, then go off and whinge about the way they treated me, but I realised that would of resolved nothing.
So what did I learn from Day 10? I learned that one possesses the ability to consciously refocus their attention from a negative situation to a positive. It doesn’t require that you go off somewhere and have a big “moan session”. It does not mean that you have to go and complain to someone about what someone else has said; or what they didn’t say; what they did; or what they didn’t do.
It just takes you to make a decision to refocus your thoughts. Forget about what has happened. If you feel that you have been wronged, then go and talk to the person who has wronged you rather than stewing about it.
You’ll find your life a lot more happier, a lot more positive, and a lot more healthier if you decide to stop complaining and start complimenting!!
Day 11 tomorrow!! (That’s like, past the half-way mark of my challenge!)