The Stress WMD!

Hi folks!

Over the past several posts I have offered you all different ways of combating stress with different relaxation techniques. As the final post in this series (I hope you all have found something that works for you!) you may wonder which technique is the best. To be honest, they all have their merits and I recommend that you use all of them.

To me I consider the techniques to be individual parcels of a bigger “Stress Buster” package. Individually the different techniques provide beneficial affect in helping you alleviate and reduce stress, but as you use the techniques together the affect is tremendous! Just think of a Weapon of Mass Destruction blowing away stress!

How does the WMD work? It works by you employing all the techniques daily as you combat the stress you face. During the day do a body scan when you feel yourself getting tense. Stop and do deep breathing and visualise the stress melting away. When you have a break throughout the day, you can do some subtle progressive relaxation and deep breathing. At the end of the day you can take 20-30 minutes out of your schedule and do some meditation and/or visualisation exercises.

When you use the techniques in combination you will maximise the benefit that they have. Just think of it as a “Stress Buster Synergy” – the effect of the whole is greater than the individual parts.  Remember that it is important for you to do this daily. In a month, stop and take stock of the stress level(s) in your life and you will be surprised at how much more relaxed, calm and at peace you are.


Get Tense!

Welcome to the third installment of my overcoming stress series!

It may seem ironic that the title to this post is “Get Tense”, when the whole idea in overcoming stress is to alleviate the tension in our bodies. However, deliberately tensing your muscles is the whole purpose of the relaxation exercise I am going to teach you. It is a “Progressive Relaxation Exercise” which enables you to identify the difference between your muscles feeling tense and feeling relaxed. 

Once we are consciously aware that a certain part of our body is tense, then we work on relaxing that part. So, what exactly is “Progressive Relaxation”? It is an exercise in which you deliberately tense each muscle group of your body and then quickly relax it. The goal is for you to feel your body completely relaxed at the end of the exercise. It should take around 15 minutes. If you have never done this type of exercise, then it is recommended that you do it twice a day (2 x 15 minute sessions) for two weeks. 

Here is how to do Progressive Relaxation (tense each muscle group for 5 seconds and then relax for 20 seconds before moving onto the next group) :

  1. Wear loose clothing and sit in a comfortable position. Close your eyes if you like. Take in several deep, relaxing breaths and visualise your body starting to relax. 
  2. Curl you toes as tight as you can and then relax them. Tense your feet and ankles as tight as possible and then relax them. Now tense your calf muscles and knees, then relax them. Finally tense your thighs and buttocks and relax them. 
  3. Make tights fists with your hands and fingers and then relax them. Tense your forearms and elbows, then relax. Do the same with your biceps and shoulders.
  4. Tense up your back as tight as you can, then relax. Tighten your chest and then relax. Do the same with your abdomen.
  5. Tighten your neck, feel it getting tense and then relax. Scrunch up your eyes as tight as possible and then relax. Tense up your jaw and then relax it. Tense up your forehead and relax. 
  6. Now just sit and feel how relaxed your body is. Does it feel different than it did before you started the exercise? How does it feel different? Explore the sensation. Become familiar with it so that you can recognise when your body is completely relaxed as opposed to tense. Don’t rush through the exercise. Take your time and get to know the difference between when you are tense and relaxed.
  7. When you are ready, slowly open your eyes. 

Please be careful when doing this exercise as you do not want to hurt yourself (I will not be held liable if you do). 

Once you become proficient at Progressive Relaxation you may find that you do it during the day when you feel yourself becoming tense, and it will not have to take the 15 minutes that this initial exercise does. You may sense tension in your neck and so you do progressive relaxation with your neck only. It could be your shoulders or stomach tensing up due to stress and so you concentrate on those areas only. Whatever area it is, just remember…Get Tense and then Relax!!



Hi everyone!

Welcome to the latest installment of my series on how to identify and overcome stress. In my previous post I discussed a technique that you can use to identify any areas of tension in your body. Now that you know how to find where you are tense it is time to learn how to relax! 

Notice how this post is titled “Breathe…Relax!” and not the other way around? (Relax..Breathe!) That is because breathing helps our bodies to relax. When it comes to breathing there is a “good” breathing and a “not so good” breathing (I was going to say “bad”, but at least you are still breathing!). There are two ways in which we breathe: diaphragmatic breathing and chest breathing. Diaphragmatic breathing is the “good” breathing. When we do this kind of breathing we are in inhaling deep into our lungs, oxygen is then taken into our blood system and carbon dioxide exhaled. Whilst sleeping, it is diaphragmatic breathing that we are doing. It is deep, slow breathing which assists our bodies to relax. 

Chest breathing is the “not so good” breathing. It is shallow and does not utilise the full capacity of our lungs. You may not even know that you breathe into your chest only! This type of breathing can lead to hyperventilation. Anxiety and panic attacks can result in chest breathing. 

So, how do you know whether you are breathing from your diaphragm or your chest? (Take comfort all you chest breathers, you can learn how to become a diaphragmatic breather by doing the exercise I include later in this post.) To determine whether you breath from your chest or your diaphragm, do the following exercise:

  1. Lie on you back on the floor. Place one hand on your abdomen (just above your waist) and place your other hand on your chest.
  2. Take a few breaths and notice whether your chest rises and drops with your breathing. Or was it your abdomen that rose and dropped as you breathed?

If you noticed mainly your chest rising and falling in this exercise, then your are a “chest breather.” If it was your abdomen that rose and fell, then you are a “diaphragmatic breather.” 

Diaphragmatic breathing allows our bodies to relax. It removes tension in our muscles. If you have determined, from the above exercise, that you are a “chest breather” you can become a “diaphragmatic breather” by doing this exercise. Also, for all of you who have found out that you breath from your diaphragm, there is no reason why you can not do this exercise too! 

  1. Take a long, deep breath through your nostrils. Feel the air entering deep into your lungs. Feel your lungs expanding to their full capacity. Focus on the air entering your lungs. How does it feel as you inhale? Can you feel the air descending into your lungs? What sensations do you feel as you breath in. Become aware of these. Explore the sensations. 
  2. Hold your breath for a couple of seconds.
  3. Exhale through your mouth. How does the air feel as it leaves your body? Can you feel your lungs? What sensations are there as you breath out?
  4. Repeat this exercise for about 5 minutes. Inhale through your nostrils and exhale through your mouth. Focus on your breath. 

What you are doing is taking full advantage of your lungs and allowing a maximum flow of oxygen into your body. You will be amazed at how relaxed you will feel! It is also important to focus on your breath. Why? Because any thoughts that had that caused the tension can not be entertained whilst your mind is focused solely on your breath.  

It may take a bit of practice until you are proficient at “diaphragmatic breathing”. Whenever you feel yourself tense up (such times are when we are susceptible to “chest breathing”), stop, breath and relax! 



Where am I tense? Time for a Body Scan!

Hi folks! 

Welcome to the first installment on how to recognise when you are stressed and what to do about it! My aim is to provide you all, over the next few weeks, with tools and techniques to help you release stress and relax. Remember how I mentioned in my last post that, when we are facing stress, our body automatically goes into “fight or flight” mode? Our muscles get tight and we are ready to take on the threat before us. This is good and part of our evolutionary programming. It allowed our ancestors to survive threats from animals, attacks from other people and also environmental threats. 

The bad part is when our bodies can not relax. That is when the damage starts. In my last post I have already pointed out how we can suffer from physiological problems as a result of our inability to reach homeostasis (i.e. a state of relaxation after a threat is no longer perceived). We need to know if our bodies are still tense and, if so, we need to know how to ease that tension. So the first step is to become aware of any tension that we may have. This is where the Body Scan exercise comes in!

Many of us pay little attention to our bodies and to what our bodies are telling us. We are too focused on the external world and take little time to stop and just listen to our bodies. Indeed, Western culture pays little heed to the internal world of the individual. It is time for us to stop, take time out (even if it is 15 – 20 minutes a day), and figure out what our bodies are saying!  It is time for some introspection and self-awareness!

The Body Scan sounds exactly like what it is: a body scan! In this exercise you take time to scan your body to see if there is any tension in it, then you relax that area. The exercise is aimed at making you become more aware of where you may have tension. I do this exercise constantly. Yesterday I had a stressful situation and so I did a Body Scan and realised that I had tension in my jaw, my shoulders and my stomach was tight! That is when I started to deal with the tension! How did I deal with it? This is where I show you how to do a Body Scan to remove tension.

The Body Scan

  1. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Take several deep breaths and close your eyes.
  2. Starting at you toes (you can choose which foot you want to start with), become aware of them. How do they feel? Become aware of your foot, your ankle, your calf muscle, your knee and then your thigh. Is there any tension in any of these parts? Feel the tension. Where is it? Take a breath and visualise the breath like a wave of relaxation flowing to  that area and dissolving the tension. Repeat the process with the opposite foot and leg.
  3. Concentrate on each of your fingers (again whatever hand you start with is up to you). Now become aware of your hand, your wrist, your forearm, your elbow, your upper arm. Breathe into the areas where there is tension and visualise the tension being washed away by waves of relaxation. Repeat the exercise with the other arm.
  4. Become aware of your waist, your stomach, your chest, your back, your shoulders, your neck. Can you feel tension in any area? Wash the tension away by breathing into those areas. How does your neck feel? Your throat? Your face: cheeks, chin, lips, nose, forehead? Can you sense any tension in the back of your head? How about the top of your head? Breathe in waves of relaxation to wash away the tension.
  5. Take a few minutes just to truly feel your body. Feel how relaxed it is. Enjoy the feeling of relaxation. Become familiar with it so that from now on you can recognise when you are relaxed as opposed to feeling tense. When you are ready slowly open your eyes. 

That is how to do a Body Scan! There is no set time limit as to how long one should do this exercise for. The whole idea is for you to become familiar with tension in your body that you may not have realised was there. That is the first step toward combating the effects of stress on your body. You can even do this exercise during the day. When you feel stressed, do a Body Scan  to see what parts of your body are feeling tense (you do not necessarily have to sit or lie down to do a quick Body Scan). You may be surprised to learn that different stressors (a stressor is anything that causes you to feel stress) can affect different parts of your body! 

Have fun! 




Why am I so STRESSED!?!

Stress. It’s an unavoidable part of life. Every day we face someone or something that will cause us stress (a traffic jam, moving house, getting married, winning the lottery, a noisy neighbour, the boss being a grouch), but is stress all bad? The answer to the question is “No” with a qualified “Yes”.

When we face a situation in which we feel threatened, we experience a physiological reaction: we tense up, our hear beats fast and pumps blood to our extremities (i.e. our arms and legs), we get butterflies in our stomachs and we become more alert. This is the good side of stress. It is the standard “Fight or Flight” mode as we perceive whether something or someone is a threat to our safety and well-being. This is the basics of self-preservation. Once we deem something to be not a threat, or the threat passes, then we feel our bodies relaxing (the technical term for this is “homeostasis” where our bodies reach an equlibirium)

The danger lies in our inability to relax once the threat has passed. As we face more and more stressful situations, we can find that it affects our ability to relax. We may find that we do not reach the level of relaxation that we used to when faced with stress (that is we no longer return to the same “homeostatic level” as we used to). This is the bad side of stress. When our bodies and our mind can not relax, then it leads mental illness (worry, depression, anxiety) and also it affects our physical health (our immune system becomes weaker, we age quicker and we are prone to die at a younger age). 

There is good news though, you can learn to relax and you can also learn how to cope under stressful conditions! There are many different techniques that can be used: breathing techniques, body-scanning, deep relaxation, meditation and visualisation just to name a few. I use all these techniques. When I find that I am becoming stressed, I start doing breathing exercises. The other week I was facing a stressful situation and so I did some mediation with a combination of deep relaxation. Trust me! It works and over the next few weeks I will give you a variety of different techniques and exercises that you can use in order to de-stress, relax and enjoy life!



I am not who you think I am!

We all have different roles that we take on each day: maybe you’re a student, a husband, a mother, an employee, a compassionate friend. Within these roles there are different requirements on how we are to act and react. If you are in a role long enough, then people may feel that they get a better understanding about you. People may begin to know you and define you within the context of the current role(s) that you fulfill. 

Is this an accurate way of getting to understand someone? No! We are all individuals and more than the sum of our parts. It is granted that if we have people that know us long enough and see us in operation in differing roles, then those people will have a better understanding of who we are. Yet they still will fail to know us as intimately as we know ourselves. We may feign to be happy, yet within ourselves we are sad. Someone may say “I know what you are thinking”, but this is just an assumption. Unless that individual possesses telepathic ability, there is no real way that someone knows exactly what you are thinking. 

The point I want to make is that there is no real way that anyone can define who you are with 100% accuracy. The only person who knows you is yourself. Sometimes, some people do not even know who they are because they are too busy conforming to the dictates of those around them. If you feel that you really do not know who you are, then it is time to stop being defined by others and start defining yourself. 

How can does one start on the journey of self-discovery/self-definition? Here are some steps that will lead you on the beginnings of the wonderful journey of introspection:

  • Find out what it is that you like/dislike.
  • Are you a conformist? Do you agree with those around you just because you want to fit in? Do you feel that your opinions and ideas are not as important as other people’s? Why do you feel the need to conform?
  • Do you consider yourself to be more than just what people see you as? That is, are you more than the role(s) that you fulfill? If the answer is: “No”, then I suggest that you get a pad and paper and, for the next month, keep a daily record of your thoughts and feelings. You may be surprised to see that you are more than just what people define you as. You will see that you are a complex, interesting human being who is unique. 
  • How often do you take time to stop and look within yourself. Are you in touch or aware of your intuition? Learn how to recognise that “inner you”. 
  • Are you conscious of your feelings and emotions? Do you acknowledge these or do you ignore them? 

These are just a few ways that you can begin to discover yourself. Too often we are all busy looking outside ourselves, busy with life, busy with the demands that people and life thrust upon us. We think that these external circumstances define who we truly are. Once you begin the journey of introspection, when you start to look within yourself and explore who you truly are. Then you will find that you are not who people think you are. You are a unique, complex, interesting individual who is beyond being stuck with a label and definition.



Jealousy…The Killer!

Hi folks!

I thought I would talk about jealousy. We have all experienced it. It is insidious. You may see someone get something, or achieve something, that you really wanted.  Slowly the tendrils of jealousy entwine around your heart and you experience a subtle hatred toward the person.

That’s the thing with jealousy. It usually starts slowly, with a thought, then you meditate on that thought. You are feeding the jealousy with your thoughts. Before you know it a bad attitude has erupted in your heart. If you analyse the attitude, you will see that it is a hatred. You hate the person for getting that new car. You hate the person for getting a pay rise. You hate the person because they have just been given a promotion. You hate, hate and hate! That is where jealousy is the killer.

Jealousy can kill social relationships between friends, family, co-workers. Jealousy kills your ability to be happy and joyful. Jealousy can kill your ability to enjoy life as you are always looking at what other’s have instead of appreciating what you have. 

Jealousy is born out of self-focus and a irrational belief of self-entitlement. You think that it should have been YOU that got that pay rise. You begin to think about reasons why it should be you and reasons why it should not have been the other person. “Jack is always slacking off, but work hard! I don’t like Jack all that much anyway!” (the hatred toward Jack has surfaced!)

“Mary has just bought a new car. I hope she has a crash in it! That will teach her for showing off!” The problem with this statement is the false conclusion that Mary is showing off, just because she bought a new car. Perhaps she has been saving for many months to buy that car, as her old car is slowly breaking down. Should not we be happy for Mary? Jealousy says that we shouldn’t. We should hate Mary and her new car. 

Jealousy causes one to create false premises regarding a situation. Then the conclusion based on these fallacious assumptions is equally ridiculous. Such as the conclusion reached about Mary showing off, just because she had the new car. 

So then, how do we combat jealousy when it rears it’s ugly head? First of all you need to acknowledge that you are experiencing jealousy. Then you need to ask yourself why you have become jealous. The next step is to learn how to get your eyes off yourself. It may shock some people to realise that the world does not, and never has, revolved around them. I would suggest that the final step is to celebrate with those you see praised, rewarded or who have gotten a new possession (such as Mary with her car). You will find that there was no malicious intent behind the situation, except for that which you created yourself. 

So kill jealousy by being happy for those around you. Celebrate the successes of those people. You will find that they, in turn, will help you celebrate your successes. Then there is no longer any grounds for jealousy to surface!